Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
