they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
