Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
