So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
