So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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