hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
