I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
