I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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