Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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