I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
