Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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