Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
