i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
