In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
