tell your sister to shave her snatch
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
