I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fuck appropriateness.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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