well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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