At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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