Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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