go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
