his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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