Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
