I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
