U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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