No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
