I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize