I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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