OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
