But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
