hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
high people should be assigned attendants
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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