When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
