just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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