he shaved USA in his pubs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
