PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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