He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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