Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
