big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
