after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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