sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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