just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
