I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
