Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
As shirtless as possible
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
