dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
