She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
