I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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