At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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