NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need a burrito and a hug.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
