it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
