Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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