are you still at the devil's house?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And then my night got REAL pukey
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
