Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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