No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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