margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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