I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
