He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
