its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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