Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
