We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
