I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
